This week I found myself at the Intergalactic Symposium held at a secret underground facility in Dulce, New Mexico. It’s an annual convention held every few years, so it’s not very annual at all, unless you happen to live on some distant planet in the Lyra System, where this annual symposium first started a billion or so Lyrian years ago and your year’s way longer than Earths. You do the math.
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This weekend I was called out to Syria to settle some diplomatic disputes between locals and a race of tunnel dwelling giants, some idiot archeologists from M.I.T. stumbled upon. It’s not like it’s a huge secret, M.I.T. has a huge Archeological Department. Also, there are tons of underground civilizations throughout the middle east and rest of the planet Usually a few miles below the surface, sometimes their cave like pathways will connect with sewer lines, a basement, temple, or in this case, some professors dig site that dug itself to close… to the truth!
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I was looking over the analytics of this sight today and was surprised to find that the majority of my fans are hailing from countries other than the United States. It doesn’t really come as a surprise, I’m one cultured cat. I can relate to almost anybody anywhere, why do you think so many international talent scouts are trying to get me to marry their sexy single super models who are eager to become U.S. citizens? I get emails like every day in my spam box practically throwing sexy Albanian or Croatian women at me as if I ever have time to reply.
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This month has been spent in my writing hidey hole, knuckling down for some major deadlines from one of Hollywood’s biggest film houses under the control of a dark force from an alternate universe.
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Dear Sexy Sexy Readers,
I’ve recently been getting a lot of letters from fans ever since I started my blog many years ago when the fame bus first came knocking at my door. Not an actual bus, that would be ridiculous, the driver knocked on my door, the bus stayed parked on the street.
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Working in the television industry, one picks up on a lot of crazy stories and informational tidbits, the likes of which might make you wonder how this industry manages to schlep out nothing but crap season after season.
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I don’t know why everyone is so into Halloween. I mean, in Hollywood it’s Halloween everyday. Have you ever been club hoping on the strip? I have, dozens of times. In fact I’m on my way there right now and I just came back moments ago.
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I headed out to Oakland to help my Occupy Oakland street peeps keep the peace after a brutal night of lumps delivered by the police. Luckily all of Broadway was closed off giving my private jet three whole city blocks to utilize as a landing strip. There was even enough room for a little side show action as I can’t land a murdered out Gulfstream G5 in the Town without ghost riding the whip.
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I’m totally interested in technology. Cool right? I mean who isn’t into little electronic devices that light up and make little beeping sounds. Like earlier today I was watching this show about a car the police use as bait for car thieves. I forget what it was called but it was kinda like that other show about people who go on blind dates except the whole thing takes place in a car and instead of two obnoxious losers managing to deeply embarrassing themselves while going on their first and last date, there’s a criminal and he or she is stealing a car.
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Earlier today I received a letter in the mail and for about ten years now that has been a really weird thing to say. Who the hell sends letters these days? Granted I would normally say I prefer email, which I totally do, however I never really check my email. Those who know me usually text me or call but I rarely reply and I never pick up my phone.
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